My Year of Singleness and Sobriety

When I first accepted Jesus into my heart, before I really even understood that God can and does clearly speak to us all, He called me to lay down a few things for a time in order to get to know Him better. The two things in particular that He really spoke to me about were romantic relationships and alcohol. For a while I rebelled against this calling, and the consequences I faced were not fun. God never stops pursuing us, and just as a quick side lesson, it is always better to obey right away, than to test Him, see the disastrous results, and then finally come around with a whole lot of extra baggage trailing behind you. A little over a year ago, after two unhealthy relationships, and yet another gut-wrenchingly awful drunken night, I finally got it, and promised God a year with no drinking or dating. 

I made this promise right before I did a Discipleship Training School, or DTS, (which you can read all about here https://flowerchildministries.wordpress.com/ywam/ywam-adventures/) and that part of the year was definitely the easier period of time. Before you start a DTS, you sign an agreement saying you won't drink any alcohol or start any romantic relationships for the duration of the program. So for five months I was learning about God every day, my schedule was all kinds of busy with serving and loving other people in the name of Jesus, and I had a whole team right alongside me, in the exact same boat, if ever I needed support.

The second part of the year was a bit more challenging. I moved back to San Diego after living elsewhere for twelve years. I went from the biggest spiritual high of my life, to a total desert period. Starting out with no friends, no job, and no deep connections at a new church, the easiest option for me would have been to do what I've always done: get a boyfriend for companionship and comfort, and try to fill my emotional void with drinking and partying. But if I can only keep my faith when I am 'feeling' God, then I don't have any true faith at all. We need those times of trial to really see whether or not it is God who we rely on. (Lamentations 3:40 and Psalm 139:23-24) 

I am so grateful for how God set-up the year because its layout ensured that I learned as much as possible. The first part of the year built up my trust in Him. I learned what it means to really have Christ as my foundation. Then the second part of my year showed me what it looks like to have my faith tested. That foundation in Christ, and relying on Him, is the only thing that got me to stick to those promises during the trials.

There were definitely plenty of times when I felt seriously tempted. I had a few times of crossing over that line between sobriety and drunkenness while trying to figure out what it looks like to just enjoy alcohol in moderation. It was hard, I had my slip ups, but above all I really did learn so, so much. Here are seven things I learned during the past year that I think are really worth sharing. No matter where you are at right now, or what your journey looks like at this time, I think these are the sorts of things we can all keep revisiting during many different stages of life.

1. Idolatry isn't just about worshipping golden calves

I don’t know about you, but previously when I heard the word idol, the first thing I thought of was a little statue, some material object shaped like a man, animal, or mythical being. When I read the commandment “you shall not make for yourself an idol… you shall not bow down to them or worship them” (Genesis 20:4-5) it was just so easy to feel like that didn’t really apply to me because I don’t live in a time or society that is making and worshipping golden calves the way the Israelites did. But truly, we have an over abundance of potential idols surrounding us today.

I have now learned that one commits idolatry whenever they honor or revere something or someone in place of God; whether this be other gods, or demons, power, pleasure, race, ancestors, the state, money, celebrities, husbands, wives, careers, travel, beauty, yourself… the list goes on. Whatever sits in your number one spot when it comes to things of importance, whatever it is that you always turn to, whatever it is that you desire above all else, that is your idol. That is what you have made your god. It is human nature to want to worship and be driven by something, and if that thing isn’t God, then you are committing idolatry.

Truly, I had such a serious problem with idolizing romantic relationships and drinking. When I realized that love from a boyfriend mattered more to me than love from God, and that I turned to drinking for comfort instead of my Lord and Savior, I knew that I was idolizing those things, and it was time for some serious reprioritizing.

2. Reliance + Expectations = Disappointment

I am sure many of you have heard that famous Bob Marley quote: “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” So often though, I think our times of feeling deeply hurt and let down come from the fact that we want to rely on other people or other things, and we expect them to always be there for us and to fulfill us. But we live in a fallen world, we are all only human, and are bound to make mistakes. Removing that reliance and those expectations won’t necessarily mean that you will never feel hurt ever again. Despite what you feel though, you can choose to realize that since we are all different and none of us are perfect, there are bound to be times when someone does something against your desires. There are times you are going to do something against plenty of other people’s desire too. Don’t take it personally, forgive as soon as possible, and remember that no other person or other thing can ever fulfill you. That may seem crazy hard, but do you know what makes this so much easier to do? Relying on the only one who can and does completely fulfill you: God.

So many times in life when I have felt upset, let down, disappointed, or abandoned, it has been because I was putting the weight of my whole happiness on another person, in particular, a boyfriend - which is completely unfair and unreasonable. Or, I was expecting a party or night out to suddenly give me purpose, lift all my sorrows, and make me forget about any problems I had - which just doesn’t even make any sense. But now that I know God is the one who sees me through every kind of everything, I don’t have to put that pressure on anyone or anything else. I still have times when I even don’t want to trust Him, but then I remember that my Father in Heaven has said “for my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways… for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9) Even though I have been hurt and betrayed by people in the past, I can trust God. Human behavior is not a reflection of His behavior. God is always good. He is always more than enough.

3. Receiving and believing in your authentic, unadulterated identity is a necessary (and wonderful!) adventure

As a sort of extension from the previous lesson, not only did I learn the importance of not fully relying on other people and things, or expecting them to fulfill me, but I also learned that it is not other people or other things that make up my identity. When you let God strip away the distractions, the things you were using to cover up your true identity, you end up seeing all the good, the bad, and the ugly going on inside you. It is liberating, exciting, difficult, terrifying, but worth it. Ultimately, our identity should be based on what God tells us about ourselves. While we are all beautifully unique and different, there are a few truths that we can all be sure of: We were created in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27), we are His children (John 1:12), we are no longer slaves to sin (Romans 6:6), and God loves us so, SO much (John 3:16/ the whole Bible). I actually have a whole blog post dedicated to rambling about how precious God thinks every single person is, so if later you would like to read more about accepting your true identity, follow this link: http://www.ramblingrf.blogspot.hk/2015/04/accepting-your-true-identity.html

4. BOUNDARIES! You need them. You deserve them. Keep them!

I don’t think this one needs much explaining. I know for me personally, I found it very hard to put up and keep boundaries when it came to romantic relationships and alcohol because I felt that a) I wasn’t worth having a say in the matter and b) I didn’t want to disappoint anyone else because I feared they may abandon me. Obviously once you know that God is enough and that your true identity is found in Him, it becomes easier to set up boundaries based on the life He desires for you, and it becomes easier to keep those boundaries. I know He calls me to act a certain way, and I know He says that I am worth being treated a certain way, so rather than fearing human beings, I am going to fear Him. I am going to do what pleases Him, not other people. (Galatians 1:10)

5. Abruptly opening your cellar door doesn't cause your house to have rats…

This is one of my favorite sayings to meditate on. It comes from C.S. Lewis’s ‘Mere Christianity’ (great book, you should read it!) where he writes: “We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.”

At the beginning of my year of intentional singleness and sobriety, I remember thinking “I just have problems with guys and alcohol, when those two things aren’t in the mix, I really am just fine.” I give you permission to laugh at what I now realize is a very naïve, ridiculous, and untrue thing to think. Once I laid those things aside, I was able to see that I really do struggle with a lot of sinful anger. I always had blamed that anger on boyfriends and alcohol, but they really weren’t the cause of my anger, they just revealed that it was there in my heart. Once I could no longer use those two things as an excuse, I had to come to terms with the fact that I struggle with anger, and then I was able to finally actually explore where that came from. After reading ‘The Emotionally Healthy Woman’ by Geri Scazzero (another really great book that everyone should read. Even if you think you are emotionally healthy and even if you are a man!) I really began to tackle the problems I have with expressing myself, wanting to control things, and engaging in healthy confrontation. If you are reading this thinking, “wow, that really doesn’t sound like fun,” you are very correct. But I know that letting God guide me through and past these things is well worth the discomfort. I also know that God would have never been able to work on these things with me had I continued to cover them up with excuses.

6. Deep and complete healing is only possible with the Holy Spirit

I am not sure if I can really describe this one, I think it would be better to just tell you a story to explain what I mean… During my DTS lecture phase, one of our weeks was dedicated to learning about the Holy Spirit. On our last night of ‘Holy Spirit Week’ we were going to have a ‘Holy Spirit Party.’ I had heard stories from other students about how crazy and fun and amazing this time with the Spirit would be, and I was all amped up and excited. But then when we arrived to the night of the party, our lecturer announced that He felt like God instead wanted to share with us all the deep, emotional healing power of the Holy Spirit. The idea was that we would all just sit on the ground asking God to bring up anything we hadn’t yet really recovered from, and then invite His Spirit to come in and take that harbored pain away.

As other people around me started sobbing as they prayed through their own stuff, I just sat there feeling disappointed. Then God brought up a past relationship to me. And I was like “oh, that’s real awkward God… not sure how you missed it… but he’s forgiven me, I’ve forgiven him, we are all cool now, so that really isn’t something I need to address.” See, in my mind, forgiveness meant you weren’t allowed to think about it anymore. If you have forgiven someone, then you have let go of that hurt, you don’t feel it anymore, right? God spoke to me and told me that I still hadn’t yet let myself really grieve and feel the sense of loss that I felt deep down inside. He let me know that it is ok to feel those things, it didn’t have to mean that my forgiveness wasn’t real. He asked me to let myself feel those things, then give that hurt to Him and allow His Spirit to do the healing necessary.

So that is exactly what I did. I joined the Holy Spirit sobbing party that surrounded me. The peace and restoration I now feel about that whole relationship is something I never would have imagined possible. It isn’t an act, it isn’t something I have to keep trying to force myself to feel, it now really truly is as though all that hurt and past has been wiped clean, and a new, fresh friendship is possible. Previously, I never would have thought it possible to look at someone I have so much history with and just see one of my brothers in Christ, but all things are possible with God. (Matthew 19:26 and Mark 10:27)

7. Focusing on Jesus > Forcing yourself to change

Up until this point, it probably has sounded like I just had a year of telling myself to give things up, stop doing things, avoid, don’t, no, no, no. But in actual fact, what really changed my heart and behavior was adding something major into my life, actually the most important thing. I had tried in the past to give up sinful behavior using just my own will power and telling myself not to do something because those are the rules. That did not go great. This year was about so much more than giving things up though. It was about focusing on God. About soaking in the love that He has to offer, without any distractions, without any substitutes, and developing a beautiful relationship with Him. When my focus is on Jesus, on His love for me, on wanting to love Him in return, and then also wanting to love others with that love, so many of my sinful desires just sort of naturally fall away. It becomes no longer a matter of 'you can’t do that,' but rather, 'I don’t want to do that.'

Really though, it is a daily choice, a lifetime commitment. (Luke 9:23-25) When I am seeking God, all these lessons appear so clear in my mind. When I forget and just start my day without even considering Him though, I so easily start thinking and doing all the wrong things again. It comes down to waking up everyday and saying “God I choose You today. I want Your heart. Please will You lead me.”

With this ramble, I'm not saying that every person needs to dedicate an outlined period of time to giving up what I gave up in order to really get to know God. I'm also not saying that romantic relationships and alcohol are bad. When done right, romantic relationships can be like a little glimpse of heaven, a little glimpse of God’s intended perfect love, sacrifice, and submission between Christ and the Church. That's why it is so worth knowing what a right relationship looks like! And I'm a bartender, so obviously I don't condemn drinking. I definitely think there is a way for people to enjoy alcohol in a responsible way. Each of us has our own unique path ahead. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. These are just two things in my own personal life that God wanted me to lay aside for a season so that I could learn some important and specific things about wonderful Him and about myself.

I most certainly still have so much to learn. God has been so good in teaching me with such patience, care, and love though. So often, when we let go of one thing and overcome it, we suddenly see that it was hiding something else that is also a hindrance to us living the life He truly desires for us. It’s ok. Just take it a step at a time, and know that He has already brought you so, so far, and He has already overcome the world. Even if it seems like it is still such a long way to go, that is ok. You have the best God, King, Father, Counselor, and Guide imaginable leading you along. Today I invite everyone to pause and ask God if there is anything getting in the way of the amazing growth He has for you. Listen to what He has to say. Obey. Trust. Proceed forward. Go towards His will. It is definitely worth it.

Intercession: A Real Life Saver

I tend to talk about the importance of intercession quite frequently. But before last summer, when I did a Discipleship Training School or DTS, I had never even heard of intercession before. I figured it would make sense to share a short teaching on the topic so that everyone knows what I am talking about when I reference intercession in my other writings and rambles. Not only is it something I feel very passionate about, but it is also something that God has given me a particularly strong testimony for. I am praying that after reading this you will see the importance of intercession, you will believe that intercession does make a difference, and you too will feel excited about being able to intercede on the behalf of others!

So what is the basic 'dictionary' definition of intercession? It is the act of interceding. To intercede is to act or intervene on behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading, petition, entreaty, or prayer. But what does the Bible say about intercession? Here are five verses that help shape a more Biblical definition of intercession:

1. "Therefore He [Jesus] is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." - Hebrews 7:25 

       In this verse we see that Jesus intercedes on our behalf. If the real 'goal' of Christianity is to be transformed into beings that are more and more Christ like, then we should be interceding on the behalf of others as well. Also, we know that Jesus is already interceding on our behalf, so when we intercede for others, we are partnering with God! 

2. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." - Romans 8:26

      When we accept Christ, we receive the Holy Spirit. When we have the Holy Spirit living in us, even when we do not know what to pray, the Spirit can, will, and does lead our prayers! 

3. "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none." - Ezekiel 22:30 

       This verse shows that God is looking for people to intercede. He tells us that our prayers mean something and make a difference. He wants us to be willing to stand in the gap on behalf of others. 

4. "Then Abraham approached Him [God] and said 'will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of fifty righteous people in it? Far be it from you to do such a thing - to kill the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?" 

- Genesis 12:23-25

       This story in Genesis gives us an example of someone interceding, in particular, Abraham is interceding on the behalf of Sodom. Even though we know Sodom was eventually destroyed, Abraham intercedes with God until He agrees that He would save the city for the sake of ten righteous men. If we  study God's word and learn His character, then we also know what to intercede for. When Abraham says 'far be it from you' to God, God doesn't get angry at Abraham, but rather honors what Abraham is trying to do. In the end, the one righteous man left in Sodom, Abraham's nephew Lot, is saved.   

5. "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." - James 5:16-18     

       This is another verse that declares how effective prayer can be! It gives another Biblical example of how powerful prayer is through the story of Elijah. 

So, after looking at all those verses, the Biblical definition of intercession is working with God, getting His heart, and standing in the gap on behalf of others by praying for them. 

But intercession isn't just something we see in the Bible. It isn't something that only used to lead to miracles long, long ago. When I was a young teenager I was raped, and understandably suffered from depression because of this. I became so deeply depressed that I finally tried to commit suicide. I swallowed an entire large bottle of pain killers, and by the time my family realized and got me to the hospital, it was too late for my stomach to be pumped. The doctors then tried to inject me with some medicine that would help dilute the pain killers, but I had a severe allergic reaction to that. I completely swelled up, couldn't breath, and so they had to stop that medicine as well. After that the doctors basically said that we would just have to wait it out, and at the very least I was going to have serious internal damage. But instead of my body breaking down, I just got better. 100% physically better within a few days. 

Last year when I was talking to my Mum about intercession, she told me that during the time I was in hospital she encountered a prayer group and asked them to pray for me. They were just strangers, hanging out at the beach, offering to pray for people. Without even knowing me, or really knowing my situation, they interceded on my behalf and I was fully healed. This is why I get so excited about intercession. It is real! It saves lives! It gives us the opportunity to ask God 'what can I do' as opposed to just always asking Him to do stuff for us. 

Now praying on behalf of intense, serious topics may seem daunting or overwhelming, but 1 Peter 1:3 tells us that "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who calls us by His own glory and goodness." God has given us everything we need, so do not doubt or feel discouraged if you don't know all the details or if you don't even know where to start praying; God does know.  During my DTS, we would have weekly intercession sessions for different countries and each week we would cover one of the following seven spheres of influence: the home, the church, the schools, the media, the government, performing arts and entertainment, and commerce, science, and technology. These are all great areas to begin interceding for! 

But far more important than the details, is your heart for the person or people you are interceding for. We must get God's heart for others so we know that we are praying for them out of love, not just a sense of obligation or so we can feel like a 'good' person. I think 1 Timothy 2:1,3,4 sums it perfectly: "I urge then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for everyone... This is good and pleases God our savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." God wants ALL His children saved, so we must even intercede on behalf of our enemies. We don't know their full story, all we know is that without Jesus we are all equally lost. 

After the first lesson I ever heard on intercession, I got really excited. I bounded about, feeling very victorious and empowered by this tool we have been given. I joyfully shouted out to God "I'm going to pray for EVERYTHING and EVERYONE because I am so stoked that You use us, God!" God whispered back to me "And what about all the people who have hurt you? What about those men you think are chauvinists? What about rapists, sex traffickers, and other men who harm women? Will you intercede on their behalf too?" That suddenly got me very quiet and pensive. It took time, prayer, and many conversations with God, but now I can answer that question with a solid, firm, yes. Other people interceding on my behalf healed me physically. But it wasn't until I learned about intercession, and God's desire for us to intercede on behalf of everyone else, that I was able to let Him heal me emotionally. That kind of healing required me to let go of my anger and hatred, forgive those who have harmed me and others, and agree with God, that yes, they too should receive grace.  Now I do intercede on behalf of those I once called my worst enemies and pray that they will come to know Jesus and be saved. 

The lesson I had on intercession during my DTS included a list of steps. Again, God judges a person by their heart, and genuine prayers, no matter how jumbled, are always the best. But I think outlines can help guide us to the point where we truly know what to pray for and how to pray, so here are the seven steps of intercession al a YWAM Denver: 

1. Make sure your heart is clean. 

       If you are currently harboring anger towards someone, engaging in some sort of hidden sin, or anything else like that, chances are it is going to be a huge distraction. When we read Psalm 24:3-4, "who can ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false," we see how important it is that we consult God about our own state before we come to Him to intercede on the behalf of others. This does not mean that you have to be perfect and flawless before a time of intercession, because none of us are that! What it does mean is that you should address anything you have maybe been trying to hide from God, or avoid, first. 

2. Ask God to fill you fresh with the Holy Spirit. 

       Remember Romans 8:26 that I shared before? The Spirit is who leads us to pray for what is right, good, and true, even when we don't know what to pray for! 

3. Put aside your own desires and inhibitions. 

        This is related to step number two. Our own worldly, fleshly, selfish ideas should be laid aside and instead we should be relying on the Spirit. Even if you have it firmly in your head that you know what is best, step away from that and open yourself up to God having something different to share. 

4. Bind the devil. 

        Now you know how important and powerful intercession is, and guess what, so does the devil. He really doesn't want you working with God and praying for others, so chances are he is going to try to distract you and fill you with doubt. Get one step ahead of him and pray out against anything getting in the way of your time of intercession! 

5. Thank God for what He is about to do.

       Even if you can't see it, God is always already working in every person, every place, every situation. Also, we know that God always does what is best, so thank Him for that! Thank Him that you have the opportunity to partner with Him and pray for others! 

6. Wait on the Lord and relax with an active mind.

       As you are asking God what to pray for, don't feel stressed if you don't get anything right away. Don't start just zoning out and thinking about lunch, but also don't start panicking and worrying that maybe God talks to everyone except you. 

7. Share whatever the Lord speaks.

       God speaks to us in all sorts of different ways. Maybe it will be a voice aloud or in your head telling you a specific word, a name, or a Bible verse. Maybe it is that verse that really reveals God's heart for the situation. He speaks to me in images. I know others who hear God through getting a certain song suddenly in their head. The possibilities are endless! The main thing is, don't let doubt get in the way. Unless it is something that obviously contradicts what is said in the Bible, trust it. And sometimes things may seem hard to comprehend or just plain weird. Share them anyways. It can be really scary at first, but I can tell you from experience that sharing is always the best thing to do. I have had plenty of times where I have gone up to people and been like 'um, I don't know if this means anything to anyone, but I feel like God is saying we need to pray for something related to this really random thing' and then someone emotionally comes forward and says that makes perfect sense to them and is exactly what they need prayer for in that moment. 

To finish up this post, I will do a sort of example prayer, following the above steps. I will be praying for all you readers out there! 

Father I come before you right now, and I just want to thank you for this day and thank you for giving me this opportunity to share what you have put on my heart. Father I know that today I definitely started off struggling. I let my emotions get the better of me, and I pray that you would forgive me for that. I forgive those who upset me Lord, and I want to pray for full restoration and for growth where those relationship are concerned. I pray you would forgive me for my anger, and just take that all away Lord. Make my heart fresh and new, like I know only you can do. I pray right now you would fill me up with your Holy Spirt, Father. Take away my own ideas, my own desires, and any thoughts I have of needing to rely on my own mind or strength. I pray the Spirit would be what overflows from me right now and that I would have your heart and your perspective. I pray out against any distractions. Against any doubt and against any schemes of the devil. I say no in the name of Jesus to anything that tries to stand in the way of what God wants to share with those who are reading. God I know you love every person who reads this blog, no matter where they are at in life, and I know you are guiding them Father. I know that you are working in their lives, even if they don't realize it, even if I don't realize it, and I just want to thank you so much for that. Thank you for your love, your guidance, and that you call us to partner with you each day. Thank you for whatever you share with each one of us, because I know it is good, and I trust that you know what is best. How can I best pray for those reading Father? What can I share with them right now? 

As I sat in silence, with an active mind, God gave me a picture of the most powerful sunrise you can ever imagine. The kind of sunrise that would make you think it will never be dark again. I also repetitively heard the word 'victorious' and got the verse John 16:33 - "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." So whether or not that means anything to you, that is what I will be praying to close us up and will continue to pray for all who may stumble upon and read this post.

Father, thank you again for this time, and for your wisdom. Thank you that you truly do cast away all darkness. That you want to bring light to every situation, even the ones we want to hide away. It is your light and your love that can guide us to overcome anything in this world, for you have already overcome it all. I pray for all those reading right now. Maybe they feel unrest about family, their jobs, their health, their purpose in life, I don't know Father, but you do. I pray that you would give them peace. Right now fill them with peace, and give them rest Papa. Heal wounds, physical or emotional, let them release their tears and fears to you Papa and take them away. Let them know that they can let go. Whatever trouble they may go through, give them strength. Put it on their hearts and guide them to a point where they truly believe that you have overcome every trouble we encounter on this earth. Nothing is impossible for you, so whatever they come to you with, anger, addiction, lust, heartbreak, whatever it may be, it is not going to be too much for you. You will not turn them away. I pray each person reading this would come to be in an intimate relationship with you Father. That each day would be a journey towards accepting your salvation and then growing in your love. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, amen. 

Accepting Your True Identity

Last week I was blessed with the opportunity to share a craft and a message with the homeless in downtown San Diego. To read more about that experience, please visit my blog that documents weekly love actions or random acts of kindness: 
https://flowerchildministries.wordpress.com/2015/04/27/bestow-on-them-a-crown-of-beauty/

I do wholeheartedly believe however, that the message I shared is something everyone should know and come to believe as truth. That is why this month' s ramble is on trading shame for your true identity. 

This is the message I shared last week: 

Hello everyone! My name is Rachelle and I recently returned from a mission trip all around the world. Right before I went on this trip, I actually spoke here at God’s Extended Hand and shared my testimony. I shared about how horrible things others had done to me in the past left me feeling hopeless and ashamed, but how Jesus healed me from those things and had truly saved me. What I didn’t share though was how that very morning I seriously considered calling up our missions director and telling her I couldn’t make it to speak that night. I didn’t share with anyone how I was even considering no longer going on my five month long mission trip. Two nights previously, I had really, really messed-up. I hurt myself and hurt someone else too because of some really stupid behavior. I was filled with so much doubt and kept wondering, if Jesus has saved me, if I am supposed to be a Christian, how could I do something so dumb and harmful? I knew that it was only through Jesus that I had been healed from the hurts of my past, but at that point I was so stuck in shame, that even though I also knew that Jesus forgives me for my sins, I couldn’t get past what I had done wrong and allowed that to identify me.

Since then I have learned so much, and while I still have so much to learn, I feel confident in saying that I better understand my identity and that it is 100% in Christ. I am not defined, you are not defined, no one should be defined by the mistakes they have made. That is not ‘who we are’ those are ‘things we have done.’ Here are a few verses showing what the Bible says about our identity:

In 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Paul lists some serious types of sinners that were common then and are common now, but then he writes “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

John 1:12 says: “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”

In Ephesians 1:4-5 it says: “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons and daughters through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.”

We are children of God. The King of all Kings has invited us into His family, which means we are all princes and princesses together with Him. I want to read you another verse, Luke 17:6, which I am sure many of you may know.

“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”

We read that and think, yup, awesome, with enough faith we can move trees. But what if we replace mulberry tree with the word lust. With the word addiction. With the word anger. With any word that describes whatever we struggle with. “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to your shame, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.” We don’t have to sit here and say that these things are just a part of us, that they are just who we are. We can uproot them and cast them away in the name of Jesus Christ, and with faith and following Him, we can leave them behind and clothe ourselves with the true identity He has for us instead. 

Tonight we brought supplies to make crowns like the one on my head. In Isaiah 61:3 we learn that Jesus came to:

“Bestow on them [on us] a crown of beauty, instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”

And that is what I hope this craft will represent. In her book ‘Breaking Free’ Beth Moore imagines a different ending for the story of King David’s daughter Tamar who was violated by her brother and left wallowing in shame. I am going to read it to you now:

“Imagine Tamar:  Grief-stricken, sobbing, ashes on her head. Her body in a heap on the cold floor. Soot covers her beautiful face and smears the rich colors of her torn robe. Her outward appearance echoes the cavernous darkness in her soul. Hopelessness and death well up in her. She is nothing but a tomb. The door of her room slowly creaks open. A stream of cloudy sunlight pours through the door. A figure of a man takes form within it. Not Absalom. No, she would recognize Absalom anywhere. Her heart jumps with sickening terror, then the figure steps through the door and His visage becomes clear. Tamar has never seen Him before, yet He looks so familiar. Not frightening. And she should be frightened. No man should be entering her chamber. She should run, but she cannot seem to move. She glances down at the hands that seem paralyzed on her lap, suddenly shamefully aware of her ash-covered appearance. Wretchedness sears her heart. She is certain her violated state is obvious. She despises herself.

“Tamar,” the man speaks gently and with warm familiarity.

Her heart sobs, “She is dead!” A slave of shame has taken her place.

He approaches and takes her face in His hands. No one has ever done that before. The overwhelming intimacy turns her face crimson, not with shame but with vulnerability. His thumbs sweep over her cheeks and wipe the tears from her face. As He takes His hands from her face and places them on her head, her throat aches with fresh cries as she sees the filth on His hands. Her filth. He draws back His hands, and she senses something on her head. Perhaps in His mercy He has hooded her disgrace.

The man offers her His hands, still covered with soot, and she takes them. Suddenly she is standing. Trembling. He leads her to the brass mirror hung on the wall. She turns her face away. He lifts her chin. She gives the mirror only a glance. Her heart is startled. She begins to stare. Her face is creamy white. Her cheeks are blushed with beauty. Her eyes are clear and bright. A crown sits on her head, and a veil flows from its jewels to her shoulders. Her torn coat is gone. A garment of fine white linen graces her neck and adorns her frame. The King’s daughter, pure and undefiled. Beauty for ashes.”

I pray that you will keep these crowns and that they will remind you that your true identity is as a child of God. If ever anyone else or that little voice in your head starts trying to tell you that you are worthless, that you are bad, that you don’t deserve anything good; imagine Jesus picking you up, placing a crown on your head, and telling you that you are royalty. That you have been made pure and new. That you are beautiful. That you are His and He thinks you are worth everything.

                                          -------------------------------------------------------------------

There are a few points from this message that I would like to elaborate on now that I am sharing in a medium not limited by time. I would first like to talk more about overcoming the doubt I had when I wondered how I could be a Christian and still do/feel/desire certain things that are so completely opposed to Christ. I honestly felt concerned during a season of my life that maybe I was not really saved. After all, I had gone to church for awhile, but then I went through a stage where I totally declared God to be a lie. I thought of how Jesus says that blaspheming against the Holy Spirit is an unpardonable sin in Mark 2:28-29 and Matthew 12:32, and kept thinking, what if I denied the Holy Spirit and now it is too late for me to be saved? What if no matter what I do or say God won't accept me back? Truly though, if anyone is thinking those things, just the fact that they are worrying about it shows that they have not committed this sin. The unpardonable sin is denying the truth, denying Christ, up until the day you die, despite seeing and hearing all that He has done and all He is doing. If you are genuinely seeking and desiring salvation from Christ, then you definitely aren't denying Him. If you are still feeling perplexed, here is a link to an article which goes more in depth into this question and addresses it really well: http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/unpardonablesin.html

But then how is it that you can receive a new spirit from Christ and still mess up, still struggle? 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." From this verse we see that as human beings we have 3 attributes. We all have that which is physical, the body, the soul which is your mind, emotions and will, and your spirit, the new part of your being from Christ. Yes, you receive a new spirit in Christ, but your soul and your body are still there making you up to be human as well. I think sometimes there can be this false idea that as soon as you accept Christ and receive this new spirit, you will be totally healed and revamped, and will never have to worry about anything or deal with the past ever again.  But your soul is still there and can still harbor your experiences, temptations, pain, and sins of the past. Your body, the flesh, is still driven by that sin nature and desires things that are no good for you. That is why true healing comes from not only accepting Christ as your Savior, but from working through the things within your soul and body by giving them up to Him and letting Him mend them over time. That is why you can be a Christian and still have those things within you. That is where the casting them out through faith comes in. Give them over to God, He is the only one who can heal them, but first you have to relinquish them over to Him! It is a journey, but it is one where God is right alongside you, teaching you and growing you each and every day. 

So, once we truly accept Christ into our hearts: We cannot lose our salvation, all our sins (past, present, and future) are forgiven, and we are given a new identity in Christ, as a brother or sister to the King of all Kings, a child of God. This is something to not only keep in mind for yourself, but also for everyone you meet. Saved or not, every person on this earth was made by God, He makes no mistakes, and as 1 Timothy 2:3-4 says, He "desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." Just as we should not base our identity on the things we have done or the things we are doing, we should not base the identity of others on these things either. So often that is how we define people, and we treat them accordingly. We say that person is a liar, a loser, a murderer, a prostitute, a druggie, etc. But really we should be saying that person is a child of God who told a lie, who lost their job, who committed murder, who is trapped in prostitution, who struggles with drug use. You don't have to deny what someone did, you don't have to condone it, you don't have to let that person keep going on without any consequences or a call to change; but just remember, that those things are not who they are. We live in a fallen world filled with people who have sin deeply imbedded into their nature. Don't ever think to yourself 'I could never do something like that.' With a certain kind of upbringing, with specific circumstances, struggles, or misfortunes, all of us could commit even the worse thing we can think of. 

Accepting you true identity comes from accepting Christ and all He promises. Once you have accepted it, stand firm in your identity, and remember what should be defining the identity of others as well! Even though we don't deserve love and grace, even though other people around us don't deserve love and grace, God says we are worth it, that this is what He gives us, and this is what He wants us to give ourselves and others in return. Personally, I think that when we remember our identity and the identity of others, loving and giving grace becomes a little bit easier. Getting God's perspective on a person, and asking for His help and guidance, is how we are able to reach out to even the person we think of as the most unlikely candidate of our time, service, and love. Getting God's perspective on ourselves is how we move beyond our shortcomings and walk into the wonderful calling and purpose He has for each one of us.

13 Reasons Why, As A Christian, I Am Not Judging You

Since becoming a Christian, there have been numerous occasions where I have felt this sense of awkwardness or uncertainty from friends or family when I hang out with them. They seem to be worrying that I am now going to judge them for their behavior. Has my behavior changed? Yes. Has what I consider right and wrong changed? Yes. Has my inclination to judge others changed? Yes... BUT, rather than becoming more judgmental since giving my life to Christ, now I actually work really hard at not judging others.

That isn't to say that I am surprised when non-Christians worry about being judged by Christians. Unfortunately, one need only to look at the large number of anti-this or that groups on the internet, which spew jaw dropping hate supposedly in the name of Christ, to understand why people have this conception about Christians. But I want to share why it is a misconception to think that it is the Bible, or even God Himself, who urges people to act this way.

I want to begin by establishing a few outlining definitions here. A very basic definition of judge is: ‘to form an opinion or conclusion of.’ The type of judging I am talking about avoiding is more closely related to the word condemn. The definition of condemn being: ‘to say in a strong and definite way that someone or something is bad or wrong, to give (someone) a usually severe punishment, to cause (someone) to suffer or live in difficult or unpleasant conditions.’

There is a difference between judging to condemn and judging to discern, or: ‘to recognize or identify as separate, to come to know, to see or understand the difference.’ I am not trying to say that I wander through life completely blind and ignorant to what is going on around me. It is still important for us to be able to judge and determine right from wrong. I also think in the right circumstances, in the most loving way, we should be able to guide others to see when their choices may be harming themselves or those around them.

While I still struggle with remembering them from time to time, the below verses guide my interactions with people who may do or say things that are opposed to my own beliefs. I am a fairly new Christian, and I still have a lot to learn, but I hope that this list will help those I interact with understand that I am not focused on how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ their behavior may or may not be, but rather how I can best love them. So without further ado, here are thirteen reasons, from a Christian perspective backed up by verses from the Bible, why I am not judging you:

1. Because Jesus Straight-Up Tells Me Not To

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

- Matthew 7:1-2
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. As a Christian it is my hope to be transformed into being more and more Christ like each day. In this verse, Jesus blatantly tells us not to judge. Even more than that, He tells us that the way we judge others is also how God will judge us. I definitely do not want to incur any more or harsher judgment from God!

2. Because No One Is Saved By Their Own Goodness

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."

- Ephesians 2:8-9 

One of my friends posted a really great Timothy Keller quote the other day: “Those who understand the gospel cannot possibly look down on anyone, since they were saved by sheer grace, not by their perfect doctrine or strong moral character.” Bingo!

3. Because I Don’t Truly Know Anyone Else’s Heart

"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

- 1 Samuel 16:7b
Sometimes we will say something along the lines of how we know that a person’s heart was in the right place, but really, only God knows another person’s heart. Since that is what God bases His judgment on, that is the thing I should be basing my judgment on, but since I don’t know anyone else’s heart, I simply can’t judge them! If I don’t know someone else’s whole background, their circumstances, or their true motivation and drive behind an action, how can I judge them? It just isn’t logical!

4. Because Even Though We Are All Different, We Are Also All Equal

"So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise."

- Galatians 3:26-29

God loves us all equally. Another great verse is Romans 2:11, which puts it very simply: “For God does not show favoritism.” Just because someone is different, doesn’t mean that I should treat them as being any less than another child of Almighty God, and a brother and sister in Christ. There is no type of person that can’t be saved, and salvation is what I should (and do!) want for everyone.

5. Because I Should Be Focusing On My Own Sin

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

- Matthew 7:3 

Focusing on others who I think sin worse than me can be a way to rationalize, justify, and minimize my own sin, and make me feel better about myself; but it is just wrong. I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others in any aspect of life, and how can I truly think it is possible to help someone else, and be a good example to them, if I refuse to even acknowledge my own shortcomings first? I definitely still have plenty of my own struggles I need to be working on.

6.  Because I Know What It Is Like To Be The Worst Of Sinners

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life."

- 1 Timothy 1:15-16
To quote what would probably be my theme song if there was such a thing ‘Ah man you name it bra, I promise I done done it all.’ ('I Used To Do It Too' by Lecrae) Why would I condemn somebody for doing something that I have probably done in my lifetime as well? I know that if it weren’t for Jesus, I would have never changed my own behavior. Even if I find out someone is doing something I haven’t done, that maybe the world says is worse, with the path I was going down it doesn’t require that much of a stretch to imagine myself in that situation as well.  

7. Because I Am Personally Not Going To Change Anyone

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." 

- Ezekiel 36:25-27

No matter how much I may want to or would like to be able to change someone else, it just doesn’t work that way. Change requires a choice from each individual person to allow God Himself to come in and do work. And God will do the perfect kind of changing in His own perfect time, so who am I to come along and try to tell someone else to hurry up and be at a different stage in life?

8. Because Non-Believers Shouldn’t Be Held To Christian Standards

“What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?”

- 1 Corinthians 5:12
While I normally use the NIV Bible translation, I think for this verse the Message does a really good job of sharing the point being made here: “I’m not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don’t we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers? God decides on the outsiders, but we need to decide when our brothers and sisters are out of line and, if necessary, clean house.” I think it makes sense to hold those within the Church accountable to Christian standards, but considering the fact that we believe only God and His Holy Spirit can change people, if someone has not accepted Christ and received the Holy Spirit yet, how can they be expected to live a Christian life? Again, it just isn’t logical.

9. Because God Gave Everyone Free Will

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”

- Revelation 3:20
Obviously you can see from Genesis with the story of the Fall, or how Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating from the Tree of Knowledge, that God gives us choices, and has given us free will. This verse shows that it is always our choice whether we are going to let Christ in. If God made the decision to give people free will, and He is omnipotent, omnipresent, omnibenevolent, and omniscient, it makes no sense for me, who is none of those omni words, to try and say that someone should no longer have that privilege.

10. Because Even Within Christianity There Are Absolutes and Relatives

“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them.”

- Romans 14:1-3
Even if I think something is 100% right for me, that doesn’t necessarily mean it is right for someone else. Within Christianity there are certain absolute truths that are definite requirements in following Christ, but then there are other relatives, which God gives us a choice about. This is where different denominations come in. But those things aren’t the point or purpose of Christianity. If someone wants to give their life to Christ, I should share the absolutes with them, but never expect their walk to look exactly the same as mine.

11. Because I Am Never Going To Know Everything

“Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens above—what can you do? They are deeper than the depths below—what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth
 and wider than the sea.”

- Job 11:7-9
The universe is really, really big. God is really, really, really big. Way bigger than anything I can even begin to fathom. So, I think it is fair for me to admit that I don’t and never will know everything, that there will be times I am just totally wrong, and therefore I shouldn’t assume to always know what is best for everyone else. Also, Proverbs 11:2 - “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”  

12. Because There Are Way Bigger Issues I Should Be Focusing On

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’" 

- Matthew 25:35-40
There is so much scary, sad, unjust, horrible stuff going on in the world. Helping the people who are suffering because of all that stuff should always be a priority over religious legalism. To quote another friend’s awesome Facebook status: “I feel that most Christians in America are more concerned with the release of "Fifty Shades of Grey" than we are with the fact that over 50% of Christian men are addicted to porn. We care more about the modesty debate than we care about the child that dies every five seconds from hunger. And we're more infuriated that a gay couple just got married than we are at the news that millions of children are being sold for sex.” I think what he says is unfortunately very true, and it just isn’t right.

13. Because LOVE Is The Greatest Commandment

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

- Matthew 22:37-40
There was a time in my life where I was using Christianity as a means to just feel better about myself, and I was not making a conscience effort to better love those around me. Now, when I reflect upon that time, I don’t even believe I was truly saved, and therefore wasn’t even really a Christian. Christ dying for our sins is the ultimate example of love, everything He stands for is loving. If I want to follow Him, my priority should always be love.

I know before I became a Christian, many of the problems I had with Christianity actually had nothing to do with what the Bible says. I had a bunch of misconceptions based on how certain people calling themselves Christians were acting, or how my friends and the media described Christians. After actually reading the Bible, I realize that I was wrong about many, many things I previously thought. I happen to be of the opinion that actually knowing for yourself, as opposed to just assuming based on what others say, is always the better option; so I wish I had done some research myself sooner! 

For those of you who are not Christians, I hope this list helps you see that Christianity isn't in fact a religion that calls people to turn into a bunch of conservative, judgmental, elitists. When you see people judging others in the name of Christ, please know that any comments or actions that cause you to feel hated, shamed, or worthless are completely and absolutely not an accurate representation of Jesus. 

For those of you who are Christians, I know following these verses can be really hard. It may seem overused, but I really think it cannot be stressed enough: hate the sin, not the sinner. Sometimes we can get so caught up in wanting to zealously defend our God and all He stands for, that we end up pushing non-believers away, and therefore doing the exact opposite of what Jesus calls us to do. When I find myself struggling with judgmental thoughts, these verses really do help. I ask myself, I am trying to fight to be right, or to lovingly share truth? Sharing truth is the most loving thing to do. If I am just arguing for the sake of proving who knows best, I know it is time to check out that pesky old plank in my own eye and remember that love is always more important.